im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
