Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
