I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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