i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
where are my eyebrows?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
