Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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