I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
