we have pet lesbian snakes
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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