toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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