apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
