that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
