i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
