I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
