i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
