Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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