Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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