In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I deserve to be covered in dicks
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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