How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
