I think my vagina is haunted
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Randomize
