Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
