alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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