do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
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