next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
