you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
