Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
be right there i have to get my cape
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
BRING THE BAGELS
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
