I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
