i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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