he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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