My first STD was from a foam party
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize