her vagine was all disorganized.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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