What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize