Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
well I can't set my house on fire every night
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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