Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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