I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
