i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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