Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
