Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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