He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
