I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
