what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
