You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I want to fling myself into the sun
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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