he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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