I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
