I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
