You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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