Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize