You're my little dorito
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
this will be a night to untag.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
