We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
