I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
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