mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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