i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
