Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize