Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
