my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
