Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
