The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
do herpes really smell.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
