i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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