I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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