cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
