You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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