Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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