what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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