When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
