We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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