We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
