3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
