how hairy? two words: wookie tits
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
