so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize