Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
