Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize