so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
