hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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