I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
look no pants
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
