having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
