I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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