Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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