I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
