I could have mohawked her pubes.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
