porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
ttyl tear gas
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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